I was displeased when the Atlanta Braves lost to the Philadelphia Phillies in Game 4 of the National Division Series. Their October run to the World Series was cut short, and their season was over before it had started. I prefer it when my teams win.
But my teams don’t always win. So, I either must make peace with those losses or be angry and irritable every time my teams lose.
I’m happy to report that I have won a lot in life. From what I know about our church family, you can say the same. I must acknowledge, however, that I’ve experienced a lot of loss along the way. My experience with losing came early in life as I had two very gifted and demonstrative older siblings. I watched what they wanted to watch. I listened to the music they selected. I played the games they chose. And I lost to them—a lot.
As a young adult, I found friendship through competition and pick-up games. I wasn’t much of an athlete, but I loved to play even though I frequently came up on the short end of the stick. I liked to joke with my friends that people loved to play with me because I’d put up a decent fight but give them the win in the end.
Trust me. I prefer winning. But no one would have played with me if I had been a sore loser.
Our After School Ministry’s theme for this week is teamwork and sportsmanship. When I work with our boys during Royal Ambassadors on Wednesday afternoon, I plan to talk about the necessity of being a good sport and how it is Christ-like to be good to one’s opponents. Surprising no one, ‘losing well’ in kickball, whiffle ball, and basketball, or what have you, is not one of their strengths. It’s almost as if they’ve been taught to be poor sports. Imagine that.
I haven’t seen many who enjoy losing more than NC State Basketball. Very few of us want to lose. Our hyper-competitive culture prizes winning above all else. We are programmed at an early age not to accept losing.
“Losers lose and winners win,” we are told. Over and over again.
As we know well, people will go to extraordinary lengths to win. We will break the rules, violate laws, perpetuate injustices, and arrange the games of chance so that the house always comes out on top. We do this because we despise losing. Our self-worth takes a hit when we lose, and one loss seems to beget another, and another, and another.
Loss brings grief.
Grief is a purgatory where we wait for our spirit, mind, and body to adjust to a new reality with one less ‘something.’ It’s no wonder we want to avoid it and fight against it.
The Ancients will tell us, however, that loss and grief are part of the experience of living. Regardless of how we feel about it or wish to avoid it, there’s no denying the experience of loss in life.
At our best, we deal with a loss with humility and acceptance, knowing that it won’t always feel like it does when we’re hurting. At our worst, we are terrible losers, making everyone around us as miserable as we are. Tempted to deny loss at all costs, we can become disconnected from reality and end up only more and more isolated and alone than we’ve ever been.
Remember: No one likes to play with poor losers.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we don’t like anything we think belongs to us to be taken away. Keep in mind that anxiety is the fear of losing.
Jesus sought to redefine winning and losing by turning our expectations upside down. Those who are first will be last, Jesus preaches. And those who are last will be first (good news for Wolfpack fans). Jesus preached that the real winners are those who serve and place others first. These servants are considered the greatest, that is, the grand champions. Regardless of who ends up being the winners and the losers in any contest, how we treat our opponents reigns supreme.
To be clear, I think competition can be an extraordinary tool for nurturing growth and progress. But we won’t have anyone to compete against if we’re so unbearable to be with when we lose.
So, let’s redefine winning (which comes naturally to those of us who frequently lose) and be good sports to one another. Imagine how different the world would be if we loved our opponents as Jesus says we should love our neighbors...or our enemies, for that matter.
Because when it comes to how we should treat others, they’re all the same.
