Gennady and Mina Podgaisky
CBF Field Personnel, Kraków, Poland
In seeking the Lord’s help, a man came to Jesus once, fell to his knees weeping, and said, “I believe; help my unbelief.” – Mark 9:24 (ESV)
The following was written by Mina on Feb 7, 2024 at a CBF field personnel debriefing retreat.
My life...ministry…faith journey to hope in revelation.
Lord, because I know that you know, and because I know that you care…
You have traveled along the bombed streets all over Ukraine.
You have seen the dead bodies on the streets of Bucha, Izum, Mariupol, Kharkiv…
My grief has clouded my ability to see your hand, your power, your goodwill and your loving kindness.
My story has the good, the bad and the ugly of the war in Ukraine. Sometimes, Lord, I see more bad and ugly than good and beautiful.
Blessed are those who are forced to stare straight into the paradox of the ugliness of the war in Ukraine and the numerous miracles that You, God, have performed throughout these two years I have spent in Ukraine. I have held both the pain of losses and the joy of reencounters in my heart; my heart aches and my heart and soul are tired. We are collectively tired of this war in Ukraine; of the war in Israel, in Palestine, in Africa, in the other parts of your world!
Moving forward always requires us to leave something behind. What if I don’t want to leave anything behind?
I do not want to leave Kyiv behind!
I don’t want to leave my new church behind!
I do not want to leave my dog behind!
I do not want to leave my home Bible study group behind!
I do not want to leave my friends behind.
I do not want to leave my KCA teachers, students, Lesia my secretary and the library behind.
I do not want to lose the Village of Hope.
I do not want to leave my new minimalist living room behind.
I do not want to leave my new office/craft space behind.
I do not want to leave the place I have called home for more than two decades.
Betrayal has cut my heart in two—one-half to survive the war and one-half to grieve the war. Yet in the process, I believe in Your loving mercies that are new every day!
Lament is the pathway from heartbreak to hope. Not yet peace, in my case; still, I hope! In the book of Revelation, there is an ending to lament; there is healing, restoration and redemption.
Let revelation become a reality in my life and the lives of Ukrainians soon!
God, you know. God, you care!
Pray, Practice, Ponder
For those times when You, O Lord, carried me through the hard times; for those times that I know You are working for my good; for those times that I have not seen my losses and pain being redeemed; I pray: “Lord, help my unbelief!” Thank you for saving and being my hope! Amen!