Christine
CBF Field Personnel, Africa/Middle East
Slow is not my forte. Nor is “letting.” I want to make things happen; maybe it’s impatience, maybe control, mix in a little pride—probably all of the above; it’s this human nature of ours. But somewhere along the way on this faith journey of mine, and particularly on this road to saying “yes” to a life in ministry overseas, I got introduced to these two men, these Christian contemplatives whom I’d never heard of before; but I’m certain I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for their work and writings and the Holy Spirit. They are Thomas Keating, a Trappist monk, and Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a Jesuit priest.
Unlike many in Baptist circles, I grew up with spiritual practices such as lectio divina and with theologians like Bonhoeffer, Buechner and Nouwen. I knew a broader view of Christianity and the spiritual life than many of my peers; but prayer was still always an active thing. It came from my initiative to write or speak or think my desires and requests, petitions and thanksgivings, praise and adoration, anger, fear and doubt.
And then, in college and grad school and seminary, I was exposed to these new voices who said, “sit still and listen.” Just be with God, and here’s how you can do that. Make the time to sit long enough to let the clutter clear—the dizzying slew of daily life; then see what’s underneath; pay attention to what rises. Listen to what the Spirit is saying to you and notice how it changes you. Notice how you slow down, even as the world continues to race. Notice how you become a person of peace, of compassion. Notice the courage that appears, seemingly without explanation. It was in the practice of centering prayer that I first learned to slow down, or at least how to try.
And then, in that season of wrestling, of not wanting to wait, of not understanding God’s timing, I came across these words from Chardin. They were the exact words I needed then, and they’re ones I continue to return to as the temptation and the desire to lean on my own strength, to make my own way, rise. It’s a constant struggle and the words and wisdom of these spiritual guides who’ve gone before me is the tether I need to take a deep breath, a prayer itself, to let go, to lose my grip on control, to trust that God is good, that God is who God says He is, that God will guide me even when we’re not moving as fast as I’d like or think we should be or we’re not going in the obvious direction I think we should be going. Trust in the slow work of God. I love the underlying assumption in this line…trust that God is at work, even if you don’t see it. The implication is that, of course, God is working. Thanks be to God.
Pray...Give...Go.