By Dr. Jeff Mathis
Doctor’s prescription: Talk to yourself.
But when you do, use the right mental vocabulary.
Our Old Testament hero, Gideon, probably should have filled this prescription. His life took an unexpected turn when the Angel of the Lord showed up on his doorstep and called him a “Mighty Warrior.” God had chosen Gideon to be the one to rally Israel to throw off their oppressors and be strong in the Lord.
We know well, of course, that Gideon had a tough time trusting God’s confidence in his ability to be an effective leader. Constantly asking for a sign of assurance, Gideon’s stress and anxiety resonate with us. When confronted with the challenges that we face each day, and when we are troubled by the mounting adversity that stands in the way of progress, the words we say to ourselves can either weaken our resolve or give us the courage and strength to press on.
According to author Minda Zetlin, we should stop using the word “I” when talking to ourselves during these challenging moments. Zetlin argues that “Using a different word will help you step back, see the big picture, empathize with others, and generally tap into your own emotional intelligence. It can give you the perspective to find solutions to the biggest problems” that you face.
The self-talk we employ should be less personal.
Yes, this is backed by science. Those who use “distanced self-talk, that is, the practice of distancing yourself from your own negative emotional reactions” routinely have “measurably less negative emotions” overall.
It goes like this. “When faced with a dilemma or an upsetting event, rather than thinking, “How will I ever solve this?” ask yourself, “How will you solve this?” Or, you could put the question in the third person.”
“What kind of email will Jeff write?”
“What will Jeff say next?”
“What’s the plan Jeff needs to develop now?”
It’s easy to look back at Gideon’s story and know what Gideon should have done to deal with the stress of pulling down an idolatrous monument on his father’s land and recruiting an army to defend his people in their time of need. We can see how Gideon’s problem was that he was stuck in his head and confined by the limitations he had made for himself. In his mind, Gideon was nothing but a runt with little hope or future. God, however, saw something very different. God wanted Gideon to see in himself what God saw in him.
And therein lies our challenge.
In Christ Jesus, each of us is far more than the caricature we’ve made for ourselves in our heads. If we can see ourselves as God sees us, our lives—and our mental health—will look up.
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The article, “To Boost Your Emotional Intelligence, Stop Using This Word Inside Your Head” by Minda Zetlin was published in the online journal, Inc.